a bowl of green

I've made a promise that I plan to keep. I've vowed to eat one bowl of something green at least every other day for this entire pregnancy. I've qualified this goal many times, but I think every other day will be more realistic. I will get another colored veggie (and plenty of fruit) on the other days, since I can handle carrots, corn, potatoes in my normal diet. I just started and I don't know if this was a good idea. After taking heaping spoonfuls of peas sprinkled with old bay, I was trying to talk through it. Ignoring the wretched little centers that squirt out all over my mouth, I couldn't help but dry heave about half way through in the middle of a sentence. J felt so sorry for me, he actually got a dab of his disgust food, peanut butter, and swiped it across his tongue and let it stick there while I continued to heave peas into my mouth. He didn't wipe it off, he actually swallowed it. I was motivated to finish off the whole bowl, which felt like 100 spoonfuls. I need good recipes, because force feeding myself raw peas isn't going to cut it. I can imagine that when I'm telling my kid about my pregnancy I won't have stories of 13 hours in labor or stretch marks, but instead raw luke warm peas exploding in my mouth.

Since we are on the subject of food and I'm very conscious that everything I eat is crossing by my little pips non-existent mouth, I have a message for Burger King:

Dear Burger King Food Testers/Creators:

Please stop enhancing your already delectable breakfast menu. I've always (especially since high school senior privilege runs) had a weakness for an egg and cheese croissandwich. I'm convinced you lace the cheese with something, and the piping hot tasteless egg doesn't even seem to matter when surrounded by the buttery croissant goodness. So now that I'm pregnant and only want to eat things enhanced with nutrients, you've put cheesy tator tots on your menu. Then to top it all off you have honey butter on your hamwich. Please stop sending me brochures in the mail that tempt me. If you extend your breakfast hours past 10:30 I will go crazy. I'd like to request that you move the hours to 4:30 to 8:30am. Thanks for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Mom-to-be and Baby

Case-in-point that Burger King needs to be regulated:

My favorite minus the meat:

i know it's crazy

J's a twin, but I realize that has nothing to do with whether I will have twins. It could mean that I am the grandmother of twins, and that would be nice ;) I can't stop thinking that I may have twins brewing. I have no real evidence, except that I really feel that my belly is already getting big. I read online that your belly grows quicker if you're having twins, but I may just be imagining it. My mom said that my belly is probably just getting bloated, but it really feels solid. It could also be my retroverted uterus is now standing forward, and if that is the case I hope it goes back down after the baby. I suppose that may be why my back was pretty achey the past month or so (even before I found out). If there is a mother's intuition, I'll have to wait to find out during the ultrasound on April 10th.

In other crazy thoughts, my doctor only has me taking regular women's vitamins with folic acid for the first 12 weeks. He says that after that he will add to my regimen, but up to that point I don't need anything more. I read online about all these special things, like Expecta Lipil, that these women start taking when they are just trying to get pregnant all the way through breast feeding (as I type this I realize that it just sounds like a money making scheme). I brought it up to J that I read about this stuff, he asked who is suggesting this, and I explained that it was strangers online. He responded that there are people online that claim to be Jesus, and I shouldn't take their advice over a medical professional that knows my case. Good point.

thanks for the advice ron

Why you shouldn't take anything you read too seriously, including this:

To the expectant fathers ..., September 29, 2004
Reviewer: Ron Sullivan (Philadelphia, PA United States)
Review of Book: What to Expect When You're ExpectingGuys ... consider this a warning; this will be the worst book that your significant other can read and will make your life utterly miserable for the next nine months.

It may have been intended as a self-help guide but instead seems to act more as a bible for every worst-case scenario imaginable. After spending a few hours perusing this book's contents, your wife, girlfriend, whomever will become so overworked and paranoid that every little ache, pain, and irritation will become a sign of the baby being born with a forked tongue and three heads. The diet your partner will be instructed to keep is impossible for any human being alive to follow. She will be told to try and avoid ... damn near everything it seems like.

I'll be blunt, WTEWYE seems to be an EXTREMELY popular gift for someone who's pregnant for the first time and it's probably unavoidable. I came into three copies without any effort at all. I'm not going to stand here and pretend I know of a better source for information either, because (outside a doctor) I don't. All I know is that if THIS is the definitive volume on the pregnancy experience, then God help us all.

I absolutely guarantee you, someone your partner knows WILL buy this for her. Your mission is to "lose it." If you're already stuck with it and you can't hide it or burn it, at least do your best to temper its pages with as much perspective as you possibly can. Again, for a first-time mom-to-be, who, frankly, is probably a bit nervous anyway about all the changes her body is going through, all this volume is going to accomplish is completely freaking her out.

Batten down the hatches my friends, it's gonna be a long nine months.

stick with a beating heart

Today was our first doctor's appointment. I was sweating because I was excited. The nice midwife I'd met with last time for my pap wasn't available, so I was scheduled with a doctor. This grandfatherly OB was straight out of some sort of boring Lifetime channel movie. He was a very nice man, but he's the type that explains the unexplainable by saying that it must just be stress related. Uh, that's not my favorite explanation, but oh well. The doctors all sorta share the practice along with midwives so I think we can make it work.

Before fully introducing himself, he walked in and shook our hands, looked down at my chart and said (and I quote), "So, you're 27 years old, but you look like you just started junior high." Uh ok, hahah, I get it, that's supposed to be flattering?! He did the quickest examination I've ever had, which was fine by me (especially since I just had my whole ick test about a month ago). He then invited us to his office to check in about what tests we should expect and a bit on "problem-solving," which was an explanation of when to call the doctor if you have issues. I felt like I was watching the guy on a video as he talked. He actually pulled out a little plastic wheel to chart out our due date, which he put down as November 20th! He expects that we will know more during the first ultrasound on April 10th. He said with the dryest possible tone, "At that time you will see a little stick with a beating heart, so it will be exciting." Well, with that teaser, now I'm really looking forward to it!

how do you prepare?

There is a lot to prepare for...bottom line. I don't know what I don't know. I'm focused on the easy stuff...and I will learn bit by bit. I was thinking about clothes and how I would keep up with getting ready for work easily and quickly when I have a big belly. I remember some of my old coworkers talking about a band that supports your belly. I was searching around for it and I think I found the exact band they were talking about. It's called the bella band, and it helps cover, to support your lower back/belly, and to prevent stretch marks. On the same site I saw a link on morning sickness relief products. I've been draggin in the morning with a little stomach trouble brewing, but once I get going it clears away. It's enough that I worry that in my 6th week it may hit. The link essentially proves there isn't much hope to relieve morning sickness. Here was the relief they were selling - 7 pops for $10.95:
I wonder if the hat makes you feel better too. Does anyone know what lavender tastes like?

our own place

We put in an offer on our first house today. We looked around today thinking of how the place would work for a baby, for helpful visitors, for our entire family.... We won't hear for 24 hours, but if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Part of me is willing to let it go if they don't accept our offer, because there are a lot of great places out there (we just haven't found many of them yet). The other part of me is already planning how to decorate the little nursery. I like the idea of penguins against the existing bright blue painted background. They just had a news story that it helps babies' development to have bright stimulating colors with high contrast. We were wandering around the baby stuff at Target and there are plenty of high contrast bright colors. J wrestled two of the strollers off the shelf so that we could really test drive them. I think there are moments where it sinks in more that we are having a baby. Seeing J holding the baby seat and zooming down the aisle with the stroller was one of those happy moments. This cute little baby suit that said little and tough made me smile. Whenever J calls me little, I respond that I'm also tough. I hope to be especially tough through this pregnancy.

mood foods

The Today Show this morning is highlighting what you should eat to maintain your mood... "Finding comfort in food, eating up the right foods...can swallow up stress." Happy foods = fish, potatoes, yogurt, popcorn or anything crunchy. Stress buster foods = healthy fats - peanut butter! lean meat, avocados. Energy lift food = water, eggs, soy, fiber, caffeine

My new mantra is to not eat or put anything on my body that I wouldn't put directly into/onto my baby. My diet is usually pretty decent without a whole lot of overprocessed stuff, but I'm not a veggie fan. I get plenty of calcium. I feel lucky that I don't need to worry about giving up caffeine, etc. I'm not sure what to think about the possibility that eating peanut butter may cause a peanut allergy in your kid. There is pretty big controversy around this, so I think I will avoid cheap processed peanuts. I will cut back, but it would be miserable for this peanut butter lover to give it up completely. We'll see what the doctor says...

initial names

We like a bunch of names. J's already trying to get me to shake on a name, but I have a feeling we might get more ideas. Although I'm almost ready to shake on my favorite little boy name, Aiden Alexander or Aidan Ethan (J likes it spelled Aidan). For a girl I like Audrey Jane or Grace Jane or Charlotte Ann (Charlie for short) or Claire Jane (CJ for short) or Gwen Ann. Ann is both of our mom's middle name. Jane was my grandma's name. We wouldn't say more than just the first name usually, but we're thinking of pairings. I know we have a little sex in the city theme goin on, but we have eliminated Carrie, Miranda, and Sam. I think we'll find out if it's a boy or girl, but if it's a girl I was thinking of telling people that the doctor says it's a girl that doesn't like pink ;)

comforting soreness

You wouldn't believe how tired I am lately. I'm like a robot, I can fall asleep if I put my head down at work. Then when it's time for bed I'm wide eyed. But other than that I feel fine. I have to pee all of the time essentially, so I can just imagine what it's like when something is pushing down on your belly. It feels like my stomach is always empty (even right after I've eaten a ton) and sorta nauseas, but not in the normal nauseas sorta way. Any little tummy ache is actually better than it would've been before because I have a reason my tummy hurts. Versus before with unexplainable issues, I also had the worry of why does my tummy ache. It's comforting to have a reason to feel a little sore... if that makes sense.

assuming the best

Assuming the best… I’ve started in on reading all the prego blogs… some are crazy, others quirky, but most have this strange level of anxiety ridden people on them that creates a weird tension for me. Do I continue to read these reminding myself that there will be some alarmist crazies? Will I always be rational enough to do this with raging hormones in my body for the next 9 months? I think that there are good suggestions along with the bad, so I think I will peruse casually. Maybe J can remind me to remain rational.

There are a lot of messages online about pregnancy issues… miscarriage stories and other assorted scary things. I think I’m upset the most by the stories where these mother’s seem to blame themselves or think they must have done something wrong. There may be a bad circumstance, but it is usually not something they did. It is just something outside of their control, and I refuse to believe there is a God that punishes people, so that doesn’t fly either. I am preparing for the best and the worst, but always ALWAYS assuming the best.

Therefore, we're not really going to wait long to tell people. People that we care about deserve to know new things we care about. We're visiting the doctor next Wednesday, and we can’t wait to have more to share.

telling our folks

I went to work yesterday after trying out the second pregnancy test just to make sure I was still pregnant in the morning. I wasn't dreaming, but I felt like my head was in the clouds all day. It was literally all I could think about, but I didn't want to tell people yet. I googled whether you should tell people. I read things about getting peoples hopes up, and if something goes wrong you have to let them know their hopes are dashed. Hmm, my folks will want to know what my hopes and dreams are, and they will be there for me if I need them. I want to operate on healthy mode. I am going to wait to tell most people until after I see the doctor on Wednesday. They can give me a real due date and answer basic questions that other people might have.

Since I'm not able to tell my parents in person I wanted to do something special. I had limited time after work yesterday since I have class from 6 to 9:30, so when I first called home they weren't there. I had an email ready to send with a photo attached of the test saying pregnant. I chose to call their cell phone and they were both in the car. I wasn't going to tell them, but then my mom asked what I was excited about...somehow she could hear it in my voice. She asked did J confirm his job, did you put an offer in on a house? Umm, no not exactly. She then started to get excited with me. "Well, what is it then?!?" I think I literally screamed out something like, "You should be excited because you're going to be a grandma?!" I could hear the wow from Grandpa while Grandma squealed. My mom was 28 when she had me and I will be 28 when I have this baby. I don't think I quite realized how ready and excited my parents are to be grandparents.

The next step was telling J's folks... We could feel their smiles through the phone. I think J's mom was laughing the entire conversation. They were convinced that we'd have a baby much sooner, so they were expecting my baby fever to take over at some point. They are truly excited for us and kept saying sweet things about how we'll be good parents.

It seemed more real telling people. Then the questions started pouring out. I explained that this was good planning without the planning. We tested fate in celebration of J's tenure track offer and our 1,000th day of marriage. I'm calling it the one shot wonder...

wow

After less than 28 seconds the result was clear. That bloated feeling and sore chest were more than I thought. I had an overjoyed, "Really!?!" and J had a really big smile on his face. I immediately had an urge to take a vitamin. I didn't cry I just smiled and felt really warm. J started talking about the house while we hugged. He said things like we should "move fast" and teasing that we should get going before I can't help move boxes ;) I'm floored that our tenure track baby took us seriously. We always said that we'd plan for the baby once J had a tenure track job offer, I guess planning now works just as well as later.