photos

Pictures are worth a 1,000 words right? I hope so because plucking these keys with one hand while constantly nursing is slooow.

We want to thank everyone for reaching out to connect. We are surrounded by your good cheer and pretty flowers ;) The visitors (my folks, J's brother, sister-in-law, and nana) who drove through a tropical storm to visit us in the hospital. You made our day. We love you. I also can barely express how grateful I am to my parents (more to come once I can get a coming home story together) for being here to help... Aiden is so lucky to have such great family!

"Good" photos on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/gp/94324507@N00/HGe2e9

Aiden's first photo - ready to eat, eh? I love my baby bird...aw.

Our stork dinner - fancy schmancy

birth story cliff notes

This edition of Aiden's Birth is brought to you in cliff notes due to baby priorities.

SYNOPSIS: Labor begins in a very similar way to the false labor episodes that we had timed at least 7 other times to no avail. The disbelief that labor has really started leads into disbelief that we will have a baby soon. Labor in hospital progresses in less than 6 and half hours. The mood is much calmer than expected. The baby arrives and is able to stay in our arms in his most alert, new moments.

TIMELINE:
Labor begins after dinner time.
8:00pm - Timing gets close together
9:00pm - Still irregular contractions, then starts to really kick it up and become radiating
10:15pm - Contractions get close together to almost meet the every 5 minutes for over an hour goal
10:30 - Water gushed as I left bathroom. We don't believe it.
10:45pm - We call hospital to tell them to expect us.
11:00pm - We get to hospital triage. There isn't anyone waiting, but there is also no one to welcome us at admitting. Uh. Someone appears and says we can sit down and they'll be right with us. I refuse to sit, but move off to the side to wait somewhat patiently.
11:05pm - They move us into triage within a few minutes. Doctor checks and I'm still 2-3cm, but she confirms my water did break. I don't have to prove anything more. Orders are written up and I'm sitting in a wheelchair on my way up to my birth suite.
12:00am - Rapid gushing, birth ball action, leaning over back of bed, constant husband massage... asked about epidural and keep answering that I don't have a plan, but maybe...
2:30am - Contractions stop letting up in between... asked about epidural and without hesitation I say yes please...but I want to be sure I've progressed far enough. Checked and I'm only at 4cm - crap. Maybe I should not do epidural - ask doctor if I will slow labor and screw thing up - She assures me no.
2:45am - Epidural preparation and three insane awful shots.
3:30am - Epidural still not working. Extreme left leg pains, cannot feel left foot. Dose is increased. Then cannot feel right hand or right eye, but pain is gone.
4:45am - Start pushing while winking at everyone since right eye is down for the count.
5:40am - We have a family.

THEMES/NOTES:
- Superstar common thread... Doc calls mom a superstar in her dilation progress. Baby nurse calls Aiden a superstar nurser. Hospital protocol is to check baby out and your tag to the parking area is a superstar sticker.

- Water can break in many different ways. Babies head can seal off the gush. This story included more than 20 major gushes. I, for some reason, felt compelled to apologize after each gush.

- Using the restroom brings on the most productive labor. As our birth instructor insisted, "you must honor your blatter" - I believe this is what causes the story to progress so quickly.

- Epidurals are extreme. This story includes an epidural that was extremely painful going in and did NOT work for over an hour. They upped my dose and I lost feeling in my right hand and right eye. I winked my way through the rest of the labor.

- My doctor came by during our hospital stay and couldn't get over my "drive by delivery." I couldn't stop thanking her for being a membrane rock star.

CHARACTERS:
Dr. Vrees, the best doctor: Positive, encouraging, consistent. It was her first night back from maternity leave, so I promised to be good. She brought us a baby book of her daughter Jordan to inspire me. She was the sweetest, calmest dream doctor. She called me a superstar when she checked my dilation and I'd progressed from 4 to 9 in the time it took for the epidural (that didn't want to work).

Agnes, the nurse: Cool, calm, collected. Her job is to type all details into computer and monitor rapid fire gushing. She held the shakey legs for me and made sure pushing wasn't in my legs.

Sue, the baby nurse: Peppy, personable, and prepared. She makes her first appearance as break relief for Agnes. I move from the birth ball into total birth delirium within minutes of her arrival. I think Agnes might have gotten off easy with me since poor Sue took me through the transition. Sue was back in full effect to help with Aiden's stats immediately after his birth. He was her little superstar. You'll see that this hospital likes the superstar status.

Dr. Epidural - Professional, disconnected. Name is not given or discarded after she explains gymnastics routine she would like me to complete while having never ending contractions, the shakes, and a huge belly. She is insistent that I have my feet on one end of the bed and my bottom on the other end creating a 45 degree angle across the bed - just like you are touching your toes (yep, can't do that normally!). AND she claims that this must be done while being completely still - for how long I ask - "a few minutes" is the response - uh, tears overflow because "I'm really sorry, I can't do that" - Well, I did it, buut it didn't work for over an hour. When it did finally work, it turned me into a winker (see above).

Anne, the best postpartum nurse: Informative, interested. After a dream two hours with my baby that only left my arms for J's arms or to be weighed, I move up to the postpartum room to be greeted with a barage of information. She took really good care to make sure we were completely in the know.

Acknowledgements: (This is a very sophisticated version of cliff notes)
Thank you to everyone for all your support and good wishes the past few weeks. We feel your warmth and we hope that you feel our gratitude.

We promise photos soon.

internet announcement

Something?

Lauren will be taking a break from blogging for the next few days. At least, in the next five minutes, we will be going to the hospital in the hopes of taking such a hiatus. Cheers, J.

simple snippets

Oooh, here are some snippets in between my somewhat unimpressive contractions today. I don't know what I was expecting, but I'm ready for these stripped membranes to kick it up a notch. Guess it's not that simple. When he's ready, he's ready. My friend and her adorable 5 month old came over for lunch today. I thought for sure once I started making plans to hang out with people, I'd go into labor, but it hasn't worked twice now. She brought me some soup, cake (spoiled again!) and the industrial electric breast pump I plan to use. I plan to nurse as much as possible and pump to store up extra milk. She helped me get it all hooked up with my personalized attachments and figure out how to use it. It didn't seem like that much suction against my hand, but I figured it must work. After she left I decided to give it a little test drive. Literally 10 seconds after it started suctioning I started collecting! Uh, weird, done with that for now - I stopped right away because I need to save that stuff for Aiden ;) Let's hope it's that simple to get him nursing. Somehow I'm guessing that's not that simple...

I can't remember what brought this up... but some where along the way during our doctor's appt today, she commented that her job is simple. She said that she could train for her most of her job through a correspondence course. It's the high risk and trouble cases that required her to get all the medical school training. Glad to hear that it's that simple.

baby sitcom premieres soon

We are "becoming a sitcom" according to our almost giddy happy doctor. She came in laughing at my blood pressure. Which is "better than hers ever is" now that I'm beyond full term and there is nothing to worry about. She was very reassuring and joking with us. She asked how I was doing and guessed that I qualify as a SOP - sick of pregnancy. That would be a big yes - check box double check (even though I swear there was a time that I liked being pregnant so much I thought I'd be sad for it to end). She said that she almost killed someone when she was sick of being pregnant. Uh, not quite there yet. She was mad at her OB because they had to strip her membranes over and over again. She glances over her glasses and asks me if I'd like her to try that because she's good at it... My response was an immediate, "yep, let's do it, can you do it repeatedly?!" Now I had researched this pretty extensively, so I knew it was safe and most assuredly painful (the short explanation of what it is: pushing the amniotic sac away from where it has attached to the cervix - if you google it you need to take in the real research and less discussion board crap on people's opinions). As she leaves for me to get undressed, she tells J to be ready to hold my hand. As I get ready, J asks me if I'm sure I know what she's about to do. For sure, this is the best reaction I can imagine from my doctor. I guessed she was going to declare nothing had changed and I was going to get a lecture on patience as pregnant virtue or some other eh-whatever-that's-normal head shaking routine.

She comes back in and examines me (a bit over 2 cm- bleh), comments that Aiden is really low and she can feel hair! Then she goes to work. She explains as she's doing it that it's like separating two pieces of cellophane. She said that it may lead to my water breaking and going into labor within 48 hours...oh the fantasy! I get the best compliment yet, and she says that I'm tough because I took that pretty well. She ought to feel the pains I've been having for three weeks. I'll show her tough! She then monitors the baby and comments on my rock solid belly (which wasn't even as hard as it gets). She says she probably will not see me for my next appt, and she is laughing as she bounces out the door.

I can't imagine anything more anti-climactic at this point. Yep, same old contractions. Yep, same old so far. I am laying on top of my waterproof sheet not watching any bad sitcoms or baby shows... I'm just hoping that we make our own baby show sooooon.

best rest yet

Last night I slept for nearly 5 hours straight. This was after almost a full day of inconsistent CRAP (you know what that stands for). I can hardly believe I slept so well. I'm usually up in fits and spurts and then I get tired during the day. I can hardly believe that he is not here yet. I can feel him getting bigger and dropping lower. I think his little thigh grew into pinchable range from last week to this week. I'm back to the doctor this morning. I don't think I quite comprehend that it's been another week. I want to meet him and spend time with him. I can relax and really feel him especially since he's getting big and his movements are less pronounced now that he has less room to shift. I really appreciate this time with him.

I am not sure how to cope if I'm not further dilated or something today. J was trying to help me reframe it ahead of time so I don't get frustrated. The idea is that I should just think about how quickly some women dilate. It isn't about how much more I'm dilated but instead that my body is more prepared when that time does come. I still am not sure I will believe it if these contractions really aren't doing anything to change things. I was literally looking up how they can really know how many centimeters you are by feeling around with their fingertips. Doesn't that just seem crazy? How is it possible that people are consistent? I guess they use rings to learn and it becomes part of their muscle memory. Uh yeah, ok. So I have two coping strategies: "eventually it will happen and I will be ready" and "it's hard to really know, so it could have happened a little bit". I know there goes the crazy again. At least I have a bunch of good rest to keep me feeling fresh.

techy talk

I knew it would happen. The cable went out for over three hours this morning during prime tivo time. It missed picking up all my baby shows. Maybe that means it's time for me to have my own baby show. I turned to sew up J's jacket pockets and button. Consuming time the good old fashioned way. Next time I'm going to churn my own butter.

In other techy talk, J got us on board with the new Mac Leopard system. It rocks when it comes to previewing photos, so I am happy. We also hooked into the iChat for the first time. Instead of our typical phone calls, we have the video chat in full effect. It even let's you play with the video effects from Photobooth. We will be able to blab with the baby from a distance when he's out of town or even just at work. But for now he just gets to see my tired bloat ;)

this day in history

The history behind a birthday is fun to think about. What people may associate with an individual day can range from significant to mundane. The History Channel online has a "This Day in History" series that is highlighted online: http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history.do

There is another quirky site, http://bornonthisday.info, that has bits of random day celebrations:
Today is French Fried Clam Day, tomorrow is Piggy Bank Day, the 3rd is Sandwich Day, the 4th is King Tut Day, the 5th is National Doughnut Day, the 6th is I Love Nachos Day, the 7th is National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day, the 8th is National Cappuccino Day, the 9th is National Scrapple Day, the 10th is Marine Corp Birthday, the 11th is Ones Day, the 12th is Chicken Soup for the Soul Day, the 13th is Start A Rumor Day, the 14th is National Guacamole Day, the 15th is America Recycles Day, the 16th is Birth Of The Blues Day, the 17th is Take A Hike Day.

And if this baby is still cooking on the 17th, you better believe I will be hiking until he gets moving!

it's not a costume

I've been haunted by labor pains all day. They haven't spooked me at all, but the major symptom is that I did not feel like taking off my robe. It is a perfect 60 degree day where kids don't have to cover up their costumes with big fat coats, but you feel nice and cozy in a big fuzzy robe. Outside of that my rough and rugged belly feels pretty beat up and I can't bear the idea of wrapping it up in maternity pants. I didn't think much about the fact that I'd be meeting some neighbors in my bathrobe, fuzzy pj pants, and down wrap slippers. J was washing up from dinner and as I passed out some candy, I joked through my mild embarrassment... "This is the real deal, it's not a costume..." The nice neighbors were asking when I was due and offering up their kids as babysitters (can't believe we may be hiring babysitters in the next few years!) We kept our door open and as I rocked around on my birth ball I was keeping my eye on the glass door. All of a sudden a scary kid dressed as a bloody doctor with a big vile of blood jumped up to the door out of nowhere, and I nearly broke my big bulging bag of waters. We ended up with about 72 kids and about one extra bag of candy that is going to be hard to resist.

cat cuddling

J and I have two cats with two very distinct personalities. Sophy prefers J and Peanut prefers me. It's a good thing their names correspond in order to avoid confusion, eh? Sophy is the cat that I previously mentioned is scared of the big belly. She sleeps perched on my pregnancy pillow and when I switch sides I take away the queen's throne. She purrs so loudly at J that it sometimes keeps me awake. She is the best cat to play with because (as my aunt will attest) she will play with light reflections for hours. She is good company in this big empty house, but I prefer her during the day. Peanut is the cuddliest cat on her own terms. My dad calls her a crazed alley cat and only after witnessing her hiss at him did I understand how my cute-cuddly-curl-ball could induce terror. She will jump up on my lap, which is mostly just boney knees now, and look at me desperately asking me with her eyes to move that big belly out of the way. When I try to just pet her and get her to cuddle up on the available lap, she will pace back and forth across my knees occasionally trying to perch on top of my belly. Here's her normal cute balancing act:

dracula visits a day early

Halloween eve I start getting contractions that feel like Dracula bites. It's a day before Halloween and Dracula wouldn't come out before dark, right? So I try to ignore them. I had a project to fix up J's leather jacket, but I couldn't bring myself to go upstairs to grab it. You'll remember the day before I was cruising around the house just to count my steps, so this uncomfortableness is different. J went to the store to pick up Halloween candy on his way home, so that must mean that I will go into labor and we will end up eating it all ourselves. By the time J gets home I am getting them pretty frequently. J starts timing (since it makes me mildly crazy) and they are somewhat consistent at about 5-6 minutes each for just about one hour, then they start to do their crazy random crap again. Dracula is getting fickle. I try to keep calm since this will mark at least the sixth time that we have monitored really close, hard contractions that fade away. I get into the shower and they don't seem to melt like they had before. I talk to my sister on the phone and I can't ignore more of them. They are radiating down my leg making my left foot nearly numb. I start to get this feeling that during the hard contractions Aiden is frantic. He is kicking like he's stuck in a really bad haunted house and he's scaring his mom. This prompts me to call the doctor and give him the rundown. I want to be reassured that Aiden's increased activity isn't a big deal. He assures me that any baby activity is good activity and I should really watch for increased fluid and really consistent, hard contractions. Dracula keeps coming back in fits and spurts, but my blood must not be sweet enough for him to keep them at under 5 minutes for an hour. We'll see if my little pumpkin wants to come out and scare off that meany Dracula sometime today.

Apparently he can come out and scratch out Dracula's eyes with the fingernails that need to be clipped. Those crazy ticker writing people go from concentrating on brain and lung development to fingernails!?

yea for friends!

My friend brought me lunch. She even brought me a cookie. Since I've only interacted with J and my doctor for quite a while, it was beyond nice to have someone else to talk to in person. We weren't even talking about babies, at least not for the entire time! She was only here for about 2 hours, and we laughed for at least an hour. It will be an excellent test of whether laughing puts you into labor.

tuesday tidbit

Here is a Tuesday tidbit: "Tuesday is the most popular day for babies in the U.S. to be born, with 13,000 births on average in 2003. There are about 16 percent more babies born on Tuesday than on any other day of the week. Saturday is the slowest day with an average of about 7,500 births (this is partially due to the fact that doctors don't schedule c-sections and inductions on weekends)." (from babygaga.com)
Poll as of October 30, 2007
Before Halloween
9 (37%)
On Halloween
3 (12%)
After Halloween but before Nov 17th due date
11 (45%)
After alleged Nov 17th due date
1 (4%)
Change your vote
Votes so far: 24
Days left to vote: 18

pumpkin pics

Oh, the excitement. I was over stimulated really. The baby on the brain does take over the pumpkin design for 2007.

Lifting and shaking a 5 lb pumpkin does not induce labor - I tried it.

J wins the husband award again for doing all the seed picking. Yummy new addition to the snack repertoire.

Proof of over stimulation is that I can't keep my mouth shut.

3D additions may make it look like some sort of dog according to J - But I think you'd have to eat more than pumpkin seeds to see what he sees.

Wouldn't it be nice if this pattern glowed on my belly when he was ready to come out... yep, that would be nice. Then I would be staring at my belly all the time. Just like watching water boil.

doing nothing highlights

Today's highlights in order:

I had J bring down old boxes of fabric and stuff I couldn't reach easily. I rearranged stuff.

I untangled a bunch of yarn.

I decided to make a hat to match the fuzzy blue baby blanket I finished for Aiden weeks ago. Now I just need a baby head to check if it fits.

I fussed with Aiden's cuddle duds.

I tested out new pillow arrangements while watching the announcements on the community channel. I informed J I liked the music on this channel and he was disappointed in my music taste once again.

I tried to get the last bit of wax out of my candle and accidently dropped the glass container. It shattered and I spent tons of time being sure all the glass was picked up. Baby proofing early, since he will just lay around with us for a while.

I read two domino magazines.

I walked in a circle around our house 37 times in a 30 step path - That's 1110 steps. No labor yet.

And the highlight of the day: Pumpkin carving! I'll post photos later on...

I was tempted to paint my belly and I still might, so let's hope the baby comes before I get the chance. I know, boredom can play games on your mind...

whole lotta nothing

So I'm not sure what it is about watching baseball, but it manages to get me to sleep. I woke up with a fierce contraction just as the Red Sox clinched the World Series, but then a few more "nothing-contractions" to make the rest of the night uncomfortable. A nothing contraction is nothing that you want. It hurts like nothing you would believe. It's doing nothing. They say it does nothing to the baby. It's nothing I would wish on anyone. It's nothing you want to happen to you repeatedly without warning for over two and a half weeks. The Red Sox won the World Series and I have nothing to show for it. Ooh well, nothing to do today? Nah, plenty of projects on my "to-do-if-you-have-nothing-else-to-do" list. I'm off to do nothing...if you're lucky I'll tell you about nothing later on...

world series baby

I lost my coupon. I swear the pregnancy test box had a redeem for one baby NOW coupon that was going to expire soon. I would really, really like to get in on that deal. Maybe it's in one of my old purses in the basement...

Oh, the delusions continue... I am convinced that this baby will get on his way today or the Red Sox will not win game 4 tonight. He wants to be a World Series Baby, so I need to be in active labor in order for them to win. Call Francona and let him know...maybe he can get me some magic cervix melting cream (I'm reaching the point where I might get my sister to see if they sell that over the border at those Mexican pharmacies - only kidding). It looks like J wins and the Red Sox may have to be this kid's team. It's hard to believe that he will have an identity that includes being born in New England on a year that the Red Sox won the World Series (and it looks like it may be a repeat of 2004 with the Patriots winning the Super Bowl). J, even as a semi-non-sports-watching-man, is excited.

During the pre-game last night, I had a nerdy-craft-urge. It's difficult to tell the difference between this type of urge and my normal idea of a good time, but this was one of those nerdy ideas that required J's participation. Since he is in amazing husband mode (he just intuitively knows how to rub my back), he willingly made a collage. These collages are for Aiden. You can look at them thinking of them as symbolic of the end of this pregnancy or symbolic of our hopes for Aiden... oh, I'm glad that I hoard old magazines to create patience-inducing-time-filling-crafts-to-torture-my-husband (and by torture I mean in order to show off his incredible husbandness). You can click on the photo to get a gigantic version.

I know deep down you are all thinking this blog is getting boooring, I don't want to look at your stupid collages, I want to hear about birth - I keep refreshing the page because I want to hear about exciting-crazy-rushing-around-labor where babies pop out in the car. I'm guessing it won't ever get that exciting, but if he pops out during the winning world series pitch TONIGHT I will write a book about how interesting it was... Now that I think about it, that really doesn't seem that interesting either... Oh well, I just need to go find that coupon now.

what do you call this?

Bebe Au Lait, Hooter Hiders, Modest Momma Wrappers. These are all names for a nursing cover that is propped open a little bit at the top so you can see your baby without exposing yourself. All claim it's better than a blanket (since the baby may be smothered or something, I dunno). Now I just wish they had a device to type on the computer without using both hands. There are some of these nursing covers online with really chic, fun fabrics. Despite the temptation to spend $35 on one because the fabric is so cute, I was pretty sure I could make one (and it would cost less than $2). I didn't even need a trip to the fabric store (another fabric hoarding bonus). I had boning left over from my wedding dress, velcro scraps, and decent light fabric. Good crafty project to pass the time...

Please ignore the black stretchy pants. They are only supposed to be a layer under my clothes, since I can go from cold to hot in two seconds. Shoulda caught a photo during a cold second. Remember I don't leave the house very often.

votes

The polling on blogger was a new addition (under page elements if you wanna try it on your blog) that I couldn't pass up. When I first posted it a while back I think that the percentage of you that thought he was coming after Halloween was around 85%. At the time that seemed like it was really a long way off. Then as my body started to do its contracting tricks, I started to think that was a looong, long way off. You apparently thought the same thing and the votes started migrating to something closer to 40% before Halloween and 40% after Halloween. Whoever thinks it is after Nov 17th better just be joking. My doctor made that joke yesterday and I nearly swallowed my tongue.

One thing I'm really not sure of is who are all of the 23 people reading and voting? Are any of you strangers because you'd have to know me a little bit to know that most of the time I'm being kinda dry? I haven't told anyone in this area about my blogs because they live their life with me day to day... so I'm just surprised there are so many people reading. The google counter says there are even more of you at an average of 55 hits a day. I've already reconnected with some people and met some new people through the blog, but shoot, get on that comments tab or email and say hey if you feel so compelled.

My other idea: let's use the comments section to place some votes for the baby's actual birthday and time of birth. You can vote anonymously (although if you pick a date after the 17th I'd like some sort of explanation and an excuse to laugh maniacally does not count), but if you identify yourself and you are right I promise a prize! And you know it will be good because I have pleeenty of time to think of something really good. No purchase necessary, but prize may take months to recieve dependent on baby timing.

My vote is Nov 4th. Partly because when I was designing Aiden's birth announcement that is the date that I spontaneously plugged into the text. That date just sorta stuck a couple weeks back (prior to CCC - constant contraction craziness). I think someone has that date in the little pool my mom started, so there may already be a winner! I won't tell you the time of day I picked, because I don't want to ruin it if someone else wants to vote for that day. I guess a good rule for the contest would be whoever votes first and is closest without goin over. I know, too many Price is Right episodes lately.

normal doc visit

Everything is completely normal. Yeah, I got it and it's reassuring, but I am sick of hearing that. It doesn't feel very normal to be so uncomfortable all the time. There must be degrees of normal and some are crap-o-la and some are easier. I'm more effaced/thinned out (80%) than I was before but no more dilation (still little less than 2cm - 10cm is pushing time). The doctor is glad that "we've managed to slow things down" and protect my blood pressure through this forced relaxation. I admitted to being on the brink of boredom, and she said that she understands that I want as much time as possible with my little guy. She said that I should avoid doing jumping jacks, but otherwise do whatever I'm comfortable doing. The appointment was pretty much what I expected. J and I brought our birth bags with us with hopes that she would have a reason to just send us straight over to the hospital (like leaking fluid, extreme dilation progress). Wishful thinking...

you bored?

I try to act the way I want to feel. I choose to not be bored and to make the most of this time at home. I'm trying not to be too consumed by baby, but it is constant. It makes me realize that this may be the last time in my life that I have the luxury of feeling bored. So many awesome words of encouragement coming my way. I can't thank you all enough for that...even those of you that manage to make me cry.

Today marks a week of being out from work. I'm determined to keep myself busy. Thank goodness for the laptop (aka the kneetop) to make it easy to stay connected. You can only write so many emails, download so many podcasts, and read so many blogs. So what can a woman in intermittent distracting pain focus on? My coping projects include:
- Come up with questions for the doctor and research the answers online before I ask them (maybe this one shouldn't count, but it wins the time consuming award)
- Designing and redesigning Aiden's birth announcement and printing out addressed envelopes (I've literally plugged in photos of stranger babies to test out how it will look - indulge me, I'm bored)
- Making lists of things that J can do. Yep, I've become that wife because of my free time. It's simple things like take in the patio furniture cushions, take out the air conditioner, take muffins to the neighbors to thank them for all the veggies they gave us...
- Making four dozen pumpkin muffins and three loaves of yogurt banana bread (this new recipe I have is made with Banilla yogurt which is addictive -try it) ... with any luck they won't be gone by the time Aiden arrives and I can share them with my folks who will be coming to help us and the nurses who take care of us in the hospital.
- Draw out the quilt ideas I have for this hawaiian fabric I bought on our honeymoon. We'll see if I can get the sewing machine in a comfy position to actually start in on it.
- Try to plan ahead with xmas present ideas - thank goodness for online shopping.
- Play with IMovie, my new favorite program (although in big bummer news, we just discovered that our video camera wasn't working! I'd been using our little camera for the snippet videos lately and when I tested the battery on the video camera it wouldn't come up with a picture or let me change the controls. It's all covered under warranty and we already sent it in to them, but bummer timing and they can't tell us how long it will take to get it back.)
-Writing a blog about what I can do when I get bored

Anyone have any other good ideas (for someone that can't stand for too long) to keep busy?

boohooing

It's late and I feel like boohooing a little bit. I may have gory details in the mix as well, so please skip over if you're not into hearing a leaking woman whine. I can't think of anything more trying. Consistently and constantly I feel pressure everywhere... on my body, on my emotions, on my ability to sleep, on my patience.

Here are my major boohoos:
- Extreme low pressure of baby's bowling ball head ready to fall through my pelvis. I day dreamed today about making my own belly sling...I can't think of a better reason why I've hoarded so much fabric over the years. This "lightening" happened weeks ago now and I'm still not used to it, although it is nice that I can breathe easier now and I don't feel that baby foot up in my diaphragm/lungs/necessary-to-life organs.
- Loose bowels making plenty of room for baby recently and we'll leave it at that (although I still feel mostly lucky in that department given my ridiculously disgusting history)
- Change in discharge which becomes a preoccupation that no one wants to hear about. J doesn't even want to know that I attempt to monitor the smell. See I've already disclosed too much on that one.
- Contractions with a capital C (as in C.R.A.P. = Contractions Rapidly Aggravating Patience) These "normal" uterus workouts are ridiculous. How the heck does anyone know what I'm feeling in order to determine that is "normal" the minute it crosses my lips that I'm feeling a lot of contractions....I'm just glad that a monitor can give them some indication of my reality. Also, the fact that my cervix is dilated and "very thin" means that they are productive in some way. They are not only numerous, but Painful (with an intentional capital P). Then after they fade away I feel like I have rug burn all over my insides. My back is a big ball of terrorized muscles. I'm not sure I remember what it feels like to be normal... to get up comfortably or to walk without a wide waddle.
- Leaking with more impact from the future baby feeders. I'm going to be ready to start collecting it soon...better go get some freezer bags. This one I am used to since my body decided to prep for that months ago.
- Restlessness. I am in the habit of not being able to truly fall asleep even though my body is at rest. Then all of a sudden at a random time of day (usually when there are two good tv shows on, one I want to watch and one the tivo can pick up - I really have to treat good shows as a commodity now) I will pass out sitting up. We're talking deep restful sleep where I wake up with cushion creases all over my neck and my ear bent back.
- Weight gain has stopped and I actually occasionally weigh two pounds less despite being home all of the time surrounded by a ridiculous number of pumpkin muffins and numerous loaves of banana bread I made and froze thinking Aiden would be here soon and it would be so nice to have some homemade treats while breast feeding and to share with my visiting folks. Oh, I still day dream about cuddling him on the couch as daddy warms up a muffin for mommy...

If you will notice that this closely resembles a list of "signs of labor" - Yes, I have my hopes up, gosh darnit. Thanks for indulging me.

hiccups

Every night sometime in the 1am hour Aiden gets a rhythmic case of the hiccups. He even had them on the monitor at the hospital during our visit (that was two weeks ago today! I call that the beginning of my preview labor - aka. constant contraction craziness). The hickety-little-hiccups are something I will miss feeling once he arrives, but I'm hoping that I can comfort him more by giving him a little pat on the back. Tonight J got to share in the hiccups because some dumb cat movements sounded like a burglar trying to break in the window and we were already up investigating. This time I was armed with the phone and J had the sharp hair cutting scissors. I have a scaredy cat in me that I hope I can somehow not pass along too much to Aiden. I think that J makes me feel safe because he's pretty calm and collected with just the right amount of worry to take action and not make me feel like a nut case. The trick will be staying calm when he goes out of town. He already has three or four out of town trips scheduled in the new year. There may be little hiccups along the way, but I'm sure I'll get through those times.

cow imitator

I have certain moments of mild insanity. One of these is something well documented in these pregnancy books related to how big and ridiculous I feel. I did pop early, as though I was having my fifth kid, but for a while I thought I'd sort of leveled off. I could wake up feeling somewhat normal and sort roll out of bed. Now I wake up wondering if I'm going to be able to get out of the bed without J's help. In tune with my general cow feeling, I am convinced that the cat is scared of my belly. When I walk towards her she freezes with fright looking straight at the shadowy, bulbous belly coming at her. I told J I think the cat thinks I look like a cow, and his reply was the cat has never seen a cow, so I doubt it. Such reassurance.

This morphing video that a friend of mine sent me is sweet, yet I was completely creeped out by how this girl didn't seem to pop. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that I looked like her 37 week photo at 19 weeks.... seriously, I think she's hiding her uterus in her skinny little leg or something. This better explains how high school girls can hide their pregnancies for so long. I guess it's proof that everyone is built differently.

full term

Today marks full term. This baby continues to grow and will continue to grow once he is born. I'm a bit peeved at the ticker today because this should've been last week's big announcement. Obviously he's still growing, but we have been assured by five medical professionals that he is ready to come out at any time. What's with this "almost ready to come out even though" crap... boo on ticker sentence writing people that are probably just trying to promote patience. But today is a big deal to me.... This baby has officially been cooking for over 9 months. The next few weeks make up the hidden tenth month that no one tells you about! I want to celebrate. The doctor said that we could go out to eat if I take it easy and don't stand around too much. J's idea was to take me to my favorite Garden Fresh Bar at Ruby Tuesdays. If you haven't tried it, you should. It is better than it sounds.

uterus workouts and ultrasound

I was amazed how much the leaves have changed in the last five days since I've been trapped in this house. It hasn't been as bad as it sounds, and I do feel more rested which makes it all worth it. We headed over to the doctor's office for our 37 week ultrasound (which was planned weeks ago). My belly is so tender lately, and I literally feel sore from this ridiculous two hour stint of insane contractions last night (I really thought it was a go because they got to about 10-15 minutes apart and an hour into it J was rushing around doing last minute chores so he could be there when I needed him to comfort me every 5 minutes for an hour (which is the real go time). It feels ridiculous when they fade away, but it's just a good 'ol uterus workout. At some point the fading away won't happen...)

I mentioned to the ultrasound tech that I was tender and he replied with, "oh, that's totally normal," and proceeded to bash his little instrument into my belly. (Side note: Our birth class instructor joked with us that you will be told numerous times that this will be uncomfortable, which is really a euphemism for this will hurt like H-E-double hockey sticks. I can't stop thinking of that whenever I get uncomfortable and it's strangely comforting because at least I'll know what to expect). So, the tech is perusing around my belly as Aiden literally kicks at his instrument. That kid had some serious aim. He measures out all the vernix ridden "dirty, old fluid" (since it is just constantly recycled through the baby's system) and determines that there is plenty of it for him to play around in. The vernix floating around in the fluid means that he has reached a good point of maturity. He comments on the placenta being in good shape and in a nice spot to be out of the way.

Then he goes in for the kill. He wants to get measurements of the head which is literally already wedged into the birth canal. He starts pressing so hard against my pubic bone that I swear he could've pushed Aiden back up. I ask if there is anything I can do to help (meaning can I shift my legs around or can you stop doing that please) and his reply is, "Unless you can break apart your pelvic bone, you are doing everything that you can..." Um, okey dokey. He continues to take numerous measurements even though he was having trouble. Then he moves to measure the abdomen, the femur, and the arm bone.

You couldn't really see a whole lot (no photos) because he's so tight in there, but his little heart beat was booming away. He also made a big fuss over what he referred to as his "apple with a big fat stem" and he is "most definitely a boy." Bottom line is that Aiden is right on track and he looks to be a few days bigger than the Nov 17th due date (although they can be off by two weeks right now). The tech said he would be right at the 50th percentile size wise if that due date is correct. The guess is that he is about 6 lbs 8 oz right now. The tech was extremely reassuring that he will be happy and healthy "if he decides to arrive tomorrow" since his lungs are fully developed. As we left, he said, "Good luck and don't forget to push really hard..." That's the plan and my uterus is already warming up.

warm line

Update time: No baby, false labor picking up and then slowing down. I'm convinced that he is a World Series baby, and I'm just trying to convince him that he wants to kick off the series or at least watch the Red Sox win from outside my tummy. I actually fell asleep during the game last night. The much needed rest and not watching the Indians give it up were a relief. (J's Red Sox better win!) Contractions still gunning for my back today. We get to visit the doctor with an ultrasound tomorrow afternoon.

Other commentary: The hospital has a baby "warm line" to call a nurse when your baby is home with you and there may be something wrong or off that you want to call about. I was telling J last night that they should have a maternity warm line so that you can actually talk to someone about what is going on... (Although I'm starting to think they know as much as you do about what the heck is goin on...)

J and I were gut laughing when we started imitating potential calls:
Pregnant Women with Bowel Issues: Um, Hi, yeah, I have a problem...(insert gory details on disgusting-o-rama) and it smells like Comet or maybe sorta sweet and I'm worried that it's mixed with amniotic fluid because I read online that fluid can smell like Comet... Do you think I'm going to go into labor soon?
Warm Line Nurse: Can you rate your discomfort on a scale of 1-10?
Preg: What's a ten?
Nurse: Pain in which it is impossible to speak or walk.
Preg: Do you think my voice sounds weird? I was thinking that too.

Every call would somehow disintegrate into a plea to tell them they are in labor or will be soon. It's no wonder they don't have a maternity warm line and you never actually get to talk to a doctor when you call the office.

what's new

Saturday night at 1am: Baby gurgles wake me and J up. You could hear him blowing bubbles in my belly. J could even feel the bubbles from the outside. He was swishing and wiggling for over an hour. It's nice to not have to worry too much about my sleep at night, since I know that I can continue to rest during the day. I managed to get fairly comfy and even if I wasn't asleep I felt relaxed. I woke up with a new distinct type of contraction that was really sharp and mostly low. By 1pm this afternoon, J started noticing a pattern and he started keeping track of the times. It's now 8 hours later and they are somewhat regular at about 20 minutes apart (although sometimes I'll skip to 40 minutes and sometimes it will be only 10 min)... They are all fierce but pretty short - sometimes less than 20 seconds. Who knows, they are definitely different, but could just be another tasting on the contraction buffet. This buffet is worse than the Old Country Barffet, but at least I didn't pay $10.95 to get through the door.

ticking on...

Snippets of video originally collected to document all the maternity stylings, but it is now a tribute to the internal pacing as we wait for Aiden to arrive - Still plenty of time to hurry it up...
Hit play arrow:

too much baby story?

Is it possible to watch too many Baby Story, Birth Day, Bringing Home Baby, or Yummy Mummy episodes? Most would answer a resounding yes. I avoid the shows that emphasize the high risk births where something is wrong for some unexplainable reason, but honestly I can't tear myself away from the others. J is right that they all repeat themselves. But I'm not sure I agree that once you've seen one, you've seen em all. What about the glow worm jaundiced baby episode I just saw - I didn't know what a billiblanket was and now I do... I could go on to defend myself, but the real hope is that I'll have my own baby story really soon (minus the video cameras during delivery). This past episode a third time mom decided to attempt a natural delivery since she had done it before even though her doctor was nearly forcing medicine on her (on camera). She was in the "playing it by ear" category depending on how the pain was "manifesting" itself. The doctor was arguing that you wouldn't go to the dentist and refuse novocaine because you wanted to get a root canal naturally.

Ok, I get it, but I'm not sold that I will just immediately ask for the epidural. I don't really have a "do it naturally" mentality, but I have a fear of the side effects. I'm not scared of the needle and I don't think that the epidural harms the baby, but there are some realities of an epidural I'm less than thrilled about. It is true that if you take an epidural too early you can slow your progress (or stall it leading to an unplanned c-section or really long drawn out labor). It is true that epidural headaches can be terrible and I am particularly prone to disgusting sick headaches (I get sick from taking ibuprofen). It is true that you lose your freedom to move around and you have to get a catheter (some women stop feeling just in the waist but others can't feel their lungs). It is true that you bounce back to feeling normal a lot quicker without an epidural. It can be true that you push in a more natural even way (because you can feel it more) which can prevent too many stitches (this one is debatable). The other thing I know is that I have already been dealing with quite a bit of pain. There are all sorts of early labor pains to get through and they will give me a better idea of whether the epidural is worth the potential side effects. I would not avoid one to be a martyr or to tout it as an accomplishment. I believe that giving birth regardless of the circumstances is a huge accomplishment.

in the clear

My doctor just called tonight to let us know that I'm not preeclampsic. My complete tests came back clear and all my labs worked out as normal and healthy... She spoke only briefly to J (which is peeving me a bit, because I waited all day for her call, but I'll get over it), and said that she still wants me out of work and to take it easy on "limited bedrest" but I can feel free to walk around when I need to. She does not plan to induce, which is a big relief. I stopped reading the websites about induction since there are so many mixed stories. I'm glad that the little peak in my blood pressure and my frequent contractions are not indicative of any issues and that my doctor is being cautious. It's possible that if I just kept pushing myself I would've created a bigger snowball of issues.

coming soon?

Thursday was the first visit that my doctor mentioned unprompted that it's likely that Aiden will come soon. She is normally in the "oh, that's normal...he's not coming any time soon" camp and I was happy to hear her say that he was on his way since she'd already signed a work form that declared me "incapcitated" (eek, that is a strong word for forced relaxation) in order to be precautionary about my blood pressure. She also reassured us that Aiden is big and bouncey and most assuredly coming home with us without any trouble if he's born now. This is reassuring because when I left the hospital last week I worried about not being considered full term. I didn't want to be lumped into some high risk category, especially since I am still convinced this baby was conceived earlier than the due date determining factors. (I'm convinced that based on "date of conception" that our real due date is October 29th.) I know there goes the broken record on the due date debate again... The doctor also said that she was surprised that I made it out of the hospital last week with all the contractions. Sometimes I wish I knew more about what makes her say the things she says, but no one really knows anything for sure. Everyone does have an opinion and there were some people that invoked a bit more worry by saying that I shouldn't be pushing myself by even being at work. I really appreciate that the doctor essentially made an impossible decision for me by just insisting that I cut off from work immediately. I'm hopeful that this may head off the blood pressure issue by essentially preventing it and making me feel even healthier when Aiden is here.

corkscrew

One of the things the doctor mentioned when she was checking me was that the baby seems to be "corkscrewing" around. He was shifting as she checked me and his little face was forward (it was back on Monday). The face up explains the back pains and pressure since the big part of his head is pushing back, but she's pretty sure that he will still shift around before labor. When my mom heard me say that he is moving around like a little corkscrew she perked up because it matched with what she heard from her friend about how she would just know she was going to go into labor when the baby would start wiggling it's head back and forth to corkscrew out of there. I think Aiden wants to be a corkscrew for Halloween.

strict

I had my regularly scheduled doctor's appt this morning and it wasn't what I expected. She examined me and I'm still ready to go at any time. She also noticed that my normally really low blood pressure is spiking. She isn't sure that I have hypertension, but she's having me do a 24 hour collection and she drew blood to double check. It's interesting that they have no idea why blood pressure is an issue for some at the end of pregnancy since it can hit anyone - She said that they think it may have something to do with the placenta, but whoever figures it out will get a Nobel prize. She also monitored me and the baby for a half hour. She reconfirmed that the baby is doing really well and has a really strong heart beat. I do have more contractions than she expected... no wonder I'm so uncomfortable. Bottom line is that based on all of this, she wants me out from work on "modified bedrest" starting now. I can still get up to make a sandwich and she said not to worry about walking too much if I'm comfortable... but no visits to the store and minimize trips outside of the doctor. It's strange to just cut off from work, but she was insistent about it. I've been trying to close out the books on a daily basis so I think everything should be fine. I'm just hoping that they are right and the baby does come soon so I have as much time with him as possible. Although timing wise, this may work out the best for work because I'll be back right before the school year starts back up again at the end of January.

spoiled

I think I've figured out that I've been spoiled by this smooth sailing pregnancy up to this point. I had a follow up visit with the doctor today. Aiden's "bowling ball head" is sitting "well into the birth canal"... "You must feel that pressure..." Oh yea, THAT pressure has been around for a while - I am the master of that pressure. The constant crampy and sometimes radiating cringe pain is what I can't get over. I think Wed afternoon was the turning point into crap-ville and I can't get over that it went from 1 to 10 on the crap scale so quickly. Oh, in other good news, the doctor told me there is something called a "weeping uterus" where you get unexplainable fluid leaking, so apparently I have nothing to worry about except that my uterus may be sad. Maybe she's sad that Aiden will need to leave soon... ms. uterus needs to get over her fierce separation anxiety ;) The doctor further reassured us that Aiden arriving any day now would be completely safe, and since a due date can be off by up to three weeks, he may already be considered full term maturity wise. I guess I will stop getting my hopes up and just concentrate on how much I enjoy feeling pip nip and kick... oh the days tick on...

shower pics

The shower at work seems like it was weeks ago. No one in Rhode Island knows about my blog, but I wish they knew how much I appreciate them. It probably wouldn't be any easier to express it, but I just wish there was a way to really say thank you. I brought everyone a sweet pumpkin muffin for being so sweet today and I was glad that I could get around to deliver them, even if just barely... I don't feel guilty riding the elevator one floor anymore ;)

Shower highlights... Ignore the slightly wrinkly shirt - If I had known about the shower I may have been more careful ;)
Eating bakery pizza (RI living highlight saucey reversed pizza, no cheese) with my other pregger's friend:

J got to join in on the fun too... We love big diaper cakes.

My normal aw-this-is-so-cute-I-can't-stand-it face that I'm glad makes J smile...

Cutting the massive cakes - including the highlight peanut butter frosted chocolate cake:

Peggy helping me show off the beautiful quilt that she made for Aiden - Adorable quilt pattern title: "Daddy, who hung the moon?"

last minute prep

What I'm hoping is somewhat last minute prep:

The baby book is filled in up to the birth story. The two lines you get to enter in your hopes and dreams for the future don't seem to cut it, so some of it I left blank. I know that Aiden will know what his hopes and dreams are and that is what matters. It doesn't matter what I write down in two lines on the baby book. Although if I was witty enough I'm sure I could've come up with something for him to snicker at or at least roll his eyes when the book resurfaces when his fiance visits for the first time.

We went to Target and finished getting all the supplies they suggested in our baby care class. Some of the supplies were things they suggest for "mom's comfort" once we get home. Let's just say that I think more than one person looked at me like I was crazy when I was carrying around maxi pads with wings. We sprung for the extra two dollars and got a wipes warmer with the mood lighting. I'm thinking that with the winter chill that's setting in the wipes warmer won't just be a jive contraption that dries out the wipes. It even came with a bumper sticker that says I heart my munchkin - they are branding this wipes warmer, oh boy. According to their website I can actually enter a contest showing them where I stuck my sticker. The munchkin website already has photos of it stuck to pets, so I guess that Sophy kitty is off the hook... but I did think that it would be fun to stick it to her. Although the website contest just says you win a "special prize" if your photo is posted online. I'm betting it's another bumper sticker since you just ruined your last one sticking it on cat fur.

LaurenPod is in full force. I got a very early xmas present, an 80GB ipod classic. I was debating whether to go with the ipod or another mp3 player because I really want to listen to audiobooks and it turns out some libraries have free wma audiobooks online that will not play on apple. Plan is that I can still listen to those off my laptop and get others that will transfer to my ipod. All of our music is off itunes so that was the most important thing. Also, the world of podcasts is out-of-control... Does anyone have any recommendations on those that they subscribe to? I'm thinking that podcasts and audiobooks will be part of my nursing nighttime routine.

I reluctantly took off my rings and hid them after our visit to the hospital. I do want to note that they still fit even when I was retaining a ridiculous amount of water from all the IV fluids. Let's just say that the marshmallow man had nothing on my puffy cheeks... all I needed was a little rouge and I could've passed for a cartoon character.

In other big news, I may be way too excited about this, but TODAY the ticker switched over to the last big baby icon! Looookey see:

I love how a ticker can encourage me to deal with back spasm pains and the skin burn... Oh and this may be the last belly-bustin-at-the seams-shot, but I promise that I'm not getting my hopes up... although I bet you are so you don't have to gawk at the alien nature of all of this and/or deal with the nightmares (jk, i hope):

back to our regularly scheduled program

It seems strange that everything is pretty much back to normal. I am still feeling pretty heavy duty pains but they are few and far between. I can tolerate the belly tightening since that has been going on for a while, but if these radiating-burning-crappity pains don't just cut it out and this baby continues to make himself comfy I may be in trouble. They call this false labor, but using the word false makes it sound like it isn't labor intensive, so I want to call it "preview" labor.

Earlier this week I finished Aiden's cudly knit blanket and packed it away in my hospital bag. The babycenter website suggested getting organized for the hospital stay this past week. What to pack is pretty straightforward, but I noticed that they leave out what the husband/partner should bring with him. We need to add mouthwash and pain relievers for the husband because no one wants anyone counting numbers over their ear with fuzzy teeth and a headache. Our little visit in the hospital definitely gave me a better idea of what to expect. They gave me an extra belly sleeve to wear at home (which is what they use to keep your monitor against your skin, but is also really comfy to support the big expanding tight tummy). They also sent me home with the quite fashionable and very functional mesh hospital undies... All sorts of perks of the 8 hour mini labor extravaganza. I know, I'm grasping...

what I know and don't know

I just don't know. Part of me doesn't even want to get into the whole story because I feel embarrassed and exhausted just thinking about it. We went to birth class last night and I was feeling particularly uncomfortable. I truly thought she was kidding when she suggested that all of us sit on the floor to pretend to bathe the plastic baby. I've been having these tight belly pains and just general back ick, so sitting on the floor is not my idea of a good time. I watched all the women two or three weeks ahead of me gradually make it to the floor and I thought I better stop being a whiner.

Back story: Thursday at work around 2pm (same time as the bad pains kicking up the day before) I had three distinct spots of wet. I won't get into the gory details, but it came through my light knit pants. I ran to the bathroom, ran back, did not pass go, did not collect $200, I called the doctor immediately. I've felt timid about being "that first time mom" and calling for no reason, so I hadn't called earlier... Don't know exactly why I feel this timid embarrassed feeling, but I do. It must be hormonal irrationality, but in this case I had to call. I explain what happened and I immediately qualify everything with "...but I'm just calling to be sure, I bet it's just false labor...classic false labor, right?!" I was still feeling it, but I knew it was irregular. But I didn't know for sure was whether my water was intact. The nurse looked for open appts for me, then after finding nothing, she said she'd talk to the doctor and call me back. She seemed like it needed to be checked out, but then when she called me back she said that the doctor says "it's completely normal and don't worry about it"... ok, those creepy-I-called-the-doctor-for-no-reason feelings start creeping into their creepy little spot where they make me feel creepy. I respond with..."oh, yeah, that's what I thought, no big deal, thank you, thank you... I just wanted to double check..." My thoughts after hanging up the phone where when is it a big deal...what/when should I worry...oh my god, I'm going to have this baby at home because I'm scared of feeling dumb when I call the doctor... how stupid... stop being dumb.

Back to Friday: Productive day at work, then I jump over to RISD to get some courses preapproved to continue my photo classes, then we rush over to our second to last birth class. I'd felt kinda crappy all day kinda like someone had beaten me up or sucked the joint juice out of my hips and back muscles, but mostly the same old tight pains. I wore a pad and it seemed to be getting wetter as the day went on...just clear wet... but no gush, no soaking through a pad. There was a lone guy in our birth class because his wife was upstairs and had just given birth earlier in the day. I immediately ask how did she know she was in labor? She had come in with the back pains and they sent her home, then her water broke, and she came back in and had the baby. Ok, sounds pretty simple, but throughout the class I kept wondering about the details - How much did her back hurt? My back hurts...sitting on the floor stinks, that must be it...oh geez, that same, how the heck do I know if I'm in labor thought is back...oh geez, I think I just leaked some more...oh geez, was filtering in my head with every tight belly... then the tightness would fade away and I'd feel relieved.

After class I wanted to get the instructor's answer to my question-of-the-week - How do I know if I'm in labor? She gave us the typical answer that it should be regular pain intervals, blah, blah, does make sense, but I still don't understand. Then she asked how I was doing. I told her about the leaking and she encouraged me to just stop by triage to double check on the leaking. She made it seem so simple, they can just do a quick test...like litmus paper to check what the fluid is.... She mentioned that you would really want to double check because if it is amniotic fluid it could lead to infection complications if it goes unchecked. Ok, I was done with my dumb timidness and she made it sound like a simple double check.

We cruised up to triage and all of a sudden I had hospital bands on and they were taking my blood pressure repeatedly. It wasn't off the charts, but I was nervous and it was much higher for me than normal. They eventually got a good normal reading. Then flash forward to over 2 and half hours of waiting on the most uncomfortable chairs when you are having contractions you can imagine. I had to convince myself numerous times that we weren't wasting our time and that it will be better to be reassured... meanwhile, I thought I was losing it because my pains were getting worse. We watched the Office and ER and part of the news and then they finally called us back. I felt terrible for the other ladies that had come in before me that I was called in before them...two of them had actually arrived in an ambulance, and the triage took me before them.

We were assigned to a triage room with a tiny little bed and a lumpy plastic pillow. I kept thinking, what the heck am I doing here without all the stuff I've prepared. I don't have anything, I was lucky I had a hair band around my wrist. It felt surreal to be laying there with the gown and the monitors all hooked up. I could hear Aiden's heartbeat rocking like a little champ. He had really started kicking during our waiting which was incredibly reassuring. I was getting contractions all over the place and they were actually plotted out to prove how crazy and irratic they were... most were about 65% or whatever the measurement is. They monitored for a while, then a medical student came in to take my report. He caught me qualifying my statements and explaining that I bet that sounds like false labor... and he immediately made me feel better by literally telling me I wasn't crazy and I was doing the right thing to double check. He joked that he'd seen crazy and I wasn't getting a ticket on that boat.

Then the doctor came in to check on the fluid. She took the swab away to get it checked and then she checked my cervix. I was 1 and a half centimeters (a week ago I was completely closed). They came back to let me know that I was not leaking amniotic fluid which was a good sense of relief. Then I thought, ok well, then what?! Our nurse, Traci was the most reassuring person and she helped me really continue to feel like the baby was "fantastic" and "amazing" at coping with my contractions. It's hard to feel like you are squeezing the heck out of your baby while he kicks and punches... I know rationally that he's doing fine, but it's reassuring to see that the monitor says he's happy and healthy too. They called my doctor (or the doctor on call that I don't know) to check to see what they wanted to do about my situation. They said that they wanted to get me on IV fluids to be sure that I wasn't dehydrated and to slow down the contractions. They agreed that at this point they wouldn't give me medications to stop them completely (because I'm far enough along to safely have the baby), but they wanted to see if the fluid would slow them. After a miss on the first vein (ick), she finally got the IV in on my other arm. The IV was cold and despite the warm blankets I was shakey. I tried to calm myself because it was normal and at this point my blood pressure was fine. They gave me an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid levels around the baby (confirmed as a bouncey boy). I had plenty of fluid and the placenta was in good shape.

About a half hour into IV fluid, out of the blue, my hefty contractions exploded into a knock-down-explosion of pain that I've never felt before. I had a 4 minute long contractions that was literally off the charts. J ran out to get the nurse after it had subsided. She came in and described it as a "titantic" contraction - She said she hadn't seen anything like that in a long time. I wasn't able to speak during it and I couldn't believe how ridiculously out of control it felt and then suddenly I was back to plain old uncomfortable. The doctor called it "a preview of things to come" and started explaining how the epidural is a wonderful thing. There were four more distinct crazy pains throughout the night, but they weren't consistent....They were just absurd, and I can't get over how absurd the pain is...you have got to be kidding me, was the only thought I was having. The bottom line was that I was going home unless my cervix had changed. They checked me three times and I was still one and a half centimeters. They said that unless the contractions cause the cervix to change I'm not in real labor. Uh ok, great, that just plain stinks. What the heck should I expect now? Bottom line is that they have no idea... I could go weeks with a "soft, squishy, slightly dilated cervix" and a belly that contracts with pain periodically. Or I could have a big gush of water all over the place and I will have purchased my ticket to Absurd-ville... where pain is so out of control I can't believe we have an over population problem in this world.

Regardless, I know that is a really long story. I'm not going to edit it, because just writing it makes me feel less crazy and embarrassed. I took my baby's health seriously and I know more than I did before the almost 8 hour visit to triage. I know that I'm dilated. I know that I'm not leaking amniotic fluid. I know that my baby's heart beats like a champ. I know that I don't have any sort of infection. I know that I don't have high blood pressure. I know that the pains are normal. I know that I can handle the pain, because... I know that what I want most in the world right now is to hold my healthy baby boy and give him a big smooch.

side notes

When I was in triage and they were going through my records, the due date debate surfaced. I tried to explain and joke that I call it my fraudulent due date... I don't think that my last period was Feb 10, I think that was implantation bleeding.... blah, blah, my doctor just doesn't want to have to induce and I agree with her so we kept the extended due date. Then the med student says (I squirmed when I heard it out loud), "So, I see here, that this wasn't a planned pregnancy." I felt like a somewhat irresponsible person when they made me check that box in the original paperwork. I am adamant that this is the best "pleasant surprise" and J says the same thing. It's really the best unplanned timing we could possibly have not picked. But who really gets to plan for these things anyway?! The idea that this baby may be bigger reassured the doctor in triage (since part of my paperwork says Nov 20th), and she recalculated her own due date of Nov 15th. Uh ok, yeah for a fourth due date! I have a signed paper that says Nov 17th that I used for the airline reservations, so I'm sticking with that date. But at this rate, there is not a chance that I will be one of the 5% of women that have their baby on their due date any way.

grateful

I was feeling it today. Kinda waddling without a bounce in my step. Sore from false pains that don't indicate much. Sleepy, yet at work hoping for as much time with my baby as possible. I was pretty productive all morning ignoring the weird stretchy belt tightening pains. I was grateful that I could keep going. My boss called me in for a "quick" meeting before this big CISCO staff awareness day.

Back story: One of the other managers planned this event about a month ago and she talked about making it fun for everyone by having a potluck. The idea was to give everyone else a better idea of our partnerships with CISCO Systems and show their telepresence videos. CISCO supports the division quite a bit and we'd done a similar event last year so I was completely oblivious to what they were pulling over on me. My only skeptical remarks were to J saying I was surprised that we couldn't use a portion of the CISCO money to just buy food in lieu of having a potluck. Little did I know that he was egging me on asking questions about the event and the pasta salad I was making knowing all along how oblivious I was. I still can't believe he was able to keep the surprise.

Back to today: I'm sitting in my boss' office getting mildly nervous that he was going to make me late for our staff meeting. He eventually said why don't we both go up. We open the door, my heart starts to race, and I realize that I just brought pasta salad to my own baby shower! They completely surprised me! I am still floored by how generous and warm everyone is, and how lucky I am to be part of such a great group of people. They had chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting! They had egg salad sandwiches in the huge spread of food! They made a gigantic diaper cake with over 60 diapers, outfits, socks, and blankets! Big highlight was one of my favorite people made Aiden a handmade quilt from a pattern titled "Daddy, who hung the moon?" I just love it. I have tons of new clothes to nest with... I have thank you notes to write - I just wish that I could express how grateful they really make me feel.

I'll post photos soon...

glowing purple

There should be a definitive sign you are in labor. J says he wishes your belly started glowing purple just so you would know. According to our birth class, less than 20% of women have their waters break before mid way through their labor. Some have it broken for them. So this hollywood act where the women is coming down the stairs and bends over to a big gush, isn't realistic for most. Although last week this woman at Brown had her water break in a big corporation meeting all over the fancy mahogany chairs. I've had Braxton Hicks contractions since early August (although I didn't know that the tightness without pain was a fake contraction until a couple weeks ago). Today I've had false labor pains in full effect since around 2pm. I was trying to ignore the belt tightening pain, and I kept thinking it was gas pains, which it probably is. J started keeping careful track of them timing wise and they are all over the place. It also not coming from the top down and I think I can make it feel better by shifting around. Classic false labor, I think. I think, because how would I know!? Nothing's glowing purple.

snack happy

Since it's a nice long weekend, outside of visiting friends, we're home watching baseball and getting some house projects done (new curtain rods, etc). This is combined with my non-stop hunger scrounging. I'm pretty good at not overdoing it when I have work and other distractions, but I have to resist eating a whole box of nilla wafers in one sitting. I know you're thinking, nilla wafers?! "Those are so bland," was my mom's reaction. They taste so sweet with my prego taste buds (I swear everything tastes sweeter) and have a little less guilt than say a pumpkin muffin (It is fall = excuse to make pumpkin muffins with extra chocolate chips). I think we're gonna go out for breakfast this morning... mmm, yum bacon, no turkey bacon - distinction ;) This hunger will be satiated or I'll just fill in the gaps with some nilla wafer snacking.

dear friendly's

Dear Friendly's Menu Planners,

I've recently discovered your new Ghirardelli Chocolate Perfection ice cream menu. There is an item listed as "Living Like a Choc Star" with warm cake topped with ridiculous chocolate fudge and ice cream. I would like to ask that you temporarily remove this item from your menu until after I give birth and preferably after I finish nursing. There was an incident that occurred at your restaurant earlier in this holiday weekend, where my DOCTOR appeared at our table and my husband and I have a debate as to whether she said "Someone has a craving for something 'sweet' or something 'greasy'..." Both are true, but I could only reply that your restaurant is dangerous. Since I cannot ask my doctor to move to another town, and I never know where she may appear again (talk about guilty complex), I need to ask that the chocolate treat (that goes over the top like a rockstar) be removed. You are welcome (and please do) bring it back after this healthy baby makes his appearance.

Your consideration is greatly appreciated. Regards, LB
P.S. Is it really necessary to give people a free ice cream with every gigantic cheese burger they order?!

baby care class

In our birth class last weekend the instructor encouraged everyone to introduce themselves and share their trouble spots/issues. A bunch of people complained of being tired all of the time. She explained that medical professionals compare the extra effort expended carrying a baby to hiking a 500 foot mountain everyday. Sounds like a reasonable comparison to me. Last night's baby care class from 6:30 to 9:20pm (She kept us 20 minutes late) was a bit much for a school night. I know I keep harping that doing things on a school night is a big deal, but I think my somewhat-tired-despite-wanting-to-be-engaged-feeling has something to do with the 500 foot mountain climb exhaustion, driving an extra 20 minutes in traffic to get there, and then walking through a maternity triage that looked like the tv show ER's triage. I really hope the triage isn't that full when we arrive. We have two more Thursday night classes, but so far I think they will be worth it. The funny English lady that taught our care class kept talking about pacies and prams. When asked what he hopes to get out of the class, the guy next to us said that he wants to "learn how to not drop the baby" - ok, ha ha?! Next time we will actually have our own dummy babies to play with... oh boy, it should be a highlight, but I'm not sure it will compare to holding Aiden.... there are some moments when I just can't wait to meet him.

doc visit countdown

It was my first doctor's appointment without J there. I think my doctor missed J even more than I did ;) She definitely likes being his buddy. I won't get into the gory details, but I did have an exam for the first time since my very first visit with Doctor Lifetime Movie. I had a chance to feel what it is like to have your cervix checked and the birth instructor wasn't joking when she said it's about four inches up there. They aren't messing around and they really fuss in there...and I used to think clamps and a q tip swab were uncomfortable. The baby's head is "nice and low" and my cervix is closed as it is supposed to be. Yeah, for a non-breech baby so far. Since he's so used to it now Aiden will like floating/diving under water upside down... I bet he'll be into searching for pennies on the bottom of the pool.

long sleeves

One of J's buddies invited us over (again on a school night) for some dinner and play time with their little girl. I brought her a little baby blanket embroidered with her name, which somehow an 11 month old doesn't care much about - surprise, surprise. But at least her mom thought it was pretty cool. He mom whipped out all sorts of old maternity clothes including long sleeved sweaters! It's been cooling off here (although yesterday and today it's back in the lower 80s just because I have long sleeves to wear), and since I literally had one shirt and two sweaters with long sleeves that fit over my belly, I was very grateful. One of the sweaters was blugging at the seams so I'd stopped trying to zip it up. The pseudo-new maternity clothes and hearing a new birth story was definitely worth the late evening.

summer to fall

Fall is officially here and the summer was full. Here's how we prepared for Aiden (I hope these videos will be a keepsake for Aiden - like a video time capsule):

welcome

We were invited to a parents' potluck at the in-home day care we visited a while back. It was a really warm, friendly party despite not knowing hardly anyone. Our friends that recommended the place were there, and we met some current and alumni families. They could not say enough positive things about Miss-Auntie-Mommy Lynn. One dad even toasted her and said that she was truly part of their family. Lynn welcomed us to her family and I feel really good about finding such a comfortable place for Aiden when I'm back to work.

6 hour basics

We took the basics of the birth process all compiled into a 6 hour class. This funny woman, that was good at asking questions and breaking up the lecture, summed it up well by saying that in the time it took for this class we will probably still be in early labor. I think it was well worth it, even if just for helping me realize that I do really know what to expect and that I can do it. The hospital arranges so that everyone in the class is due right around the same day. When we went around for introductions, there was one couple that didn't find out their baby's sex. The instructor started talking about myths - one being that during pregnancy girls take your beauty and boys take your brains - The husband spoke up and said then we must be having a boy. Ha, that pretty much sums up the humor of the class. That and the pregnant woman clip art that looked like she was having a turtle that really amused our instructor. I think it was all the guided relaxation that made it seem funny.